guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
