Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
