I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
