He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
