you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
where am i from again
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
