Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
