haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
