i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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