Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
