i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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