It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The power of my boobs compel you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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