there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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