i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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