I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
