everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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