my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
