wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
