All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
