Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
