So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
