That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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