Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
