he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
