I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
