I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
