shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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