I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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