Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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