why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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