At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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