what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
