Nicole vs. Life
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
