ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
