Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
