Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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