I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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