Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
