I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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