plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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