your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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