last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
