I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
