we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
