He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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