She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
