this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
