This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
