the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
