My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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