We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
