oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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