Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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