i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
