Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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