Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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