If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
