we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
