Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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