I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
