My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
People in love make me want to vomit
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
