the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize