I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
