Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This couple is walking their pig around campus
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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