My Higher Power is John Stamos
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
