We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
