im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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