I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
