i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
