Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
