a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
being pregnant is like rehab
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dicks are not precious.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
